I suppose it is inevitable that when a man grows old, or rather when he realizes that he is growing old, he should reflect on his life and how he lived it. Frank Sinatra claimed, at least in song, that he had a few regrets – but, then again, too few to mention. If I fail to mention my own it is not for their scarcity, but for my ignorance of where to begin.
In one of Theodore Dalrymple’s essays he mentions that most people who die in hospitals spend their last hours watching the television. The realization is ghastly – that someone would fade into eternity under the flickering images of American Idol (or Slovak Superstar). And I don’t gasp as someone looking down his long nose because he doesn’t waste his time in front of the Tube – I’ve found my own ways to fritter away the sands of my hourglass.
Just look around and marvel at how we human beings, made in the image of God, squander the brief time we have been given. And don’t mistake me for someone who would argue that every minute must be filled with work, doing something “useful” – I believe we were created for joyful work and rest, creation and recreation. (And I will let you, in the privacy of your own thoughts, ponder what rest and recreation could be called joyful, and that which is mind-numbing, inane, or even dehumanizing.)
In his poetry Matthew Arnold had a painful knack for crafting bitter meditations on the fact that for most of us, our lives fall short of what we had hoped. Consider these lines from “Rugby Chapel”:
What is the course of the life
Of mortal men on the earth?–
Most men eddy about
Here and there–eat and drink,
Chatter and love and hate,
Gather and squander, are raised
Aloft, are hurl’d in the dust,
Striving blindly, achieving
Nothing; and then they die–
Perish;–and no one asks
Who or what they have been,
More than he asks what waves,
In the moonlit solitudes mild
Of the midmost Ocean, have swell’d,
Foam’d for a moment, and gone.
Teach me, O Lord, to number my days well….